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Press Release

Guys Guide Extra

Press release date: 2009-04-27

Among the questions Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. and Glenn F. Sternes, Ph.D. get asked most in their private practices by men facing divorces, these lead the list:

1. What can I do to get her back?

2. Does separation mean divorce is inevitable?

3. Do I have to use an attorney to get a divorce? How do I know if I can trust one?

4. My friends say I should throw a “divorce celebration” party. Is this OK to do, especially if I have kids?

5. How do I break the news to the kids? Does divorce always hurt them?

6. My friends say I should start dating again, and my family says its too soon. How do I know what to do?

7. Where does a divorced guy like me go to meet a good woman?

8. When should a dating relationship become sexual?

9. Sex is good with my new girlfriend, but I'm not sure I EVER want to get married again. How will I know if I'm ready for a committed relationship?

10. I don't think I can get over my divorce until I get back at her, but I don't want to hurt the kids. I think about it all the time. How can I let go and what do I do to move on?

They wrote The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce and on with Life, Sex, and Relationships (©02/09, www.bayoupublishing.com, $16.95 trade paperback) to help all men dealing with these and other questions. Here are their answers to the two questions....for the others turn to The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce.

1. What can I do to get her back?

Do's

• When you communicate with her, tell her directly that you want to work it out.

• Consider seeing a counselor, minister, or rabbi for a neutral second opinion.

• Keep regular contacts with your children through visitation and phone calls.

• Offer to see a marriage counselor with her if she feels that would be helpful.

• Agree that changes are needed in the relationship for it to be viable.


Don'ts

•Acknowledge that she has legitimate complaints, and you want to address them.

• Don't beg, plead, or cry.

• Don't bug her with multiple e-mails, phone calls, notes, etc.

• Don't show up at her place of business to talk to her about it.

• Don't hire a private investigator to follow her.

• Don't increase your use of alcohol, tobacco, or other substances.

• Don't become a workaholic.

• Don't complain about her to your family and friends.

• Don't speak ill of her to the children.

• Don't spend lots of money on her to prove that you love her.

• Don't start another relationship to make her jealous or to consider your options.

• Don't be angry during your interactions with her.

• Don't ask her if she is seeing another man.

• Don't cruise by her place to see if shes home or if there's another car in the driveway.


2. Does separation mean divorce is inevitable?

In our experience, couples often get back together after a separation. The best separations amount to a “trial divorce” answering the question, “Is this really what we want?”

We recommend that couples follow certain guidelines for separation. The guidelines are intended to help the couple rethink their positions, to learn more about what divorce will mean before committing to it, and to facilitate a transition to a divorced life if that becomes inevitable.

Guidelines and other information is available in The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce and
on with Life, Sex, and Relationships.



ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. is past-president of the Texas Psychological Association and a member of the American Psychological Associations Division 51 (Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity). With more than 20 years experience in treating men, Buser is an adjunct faculty member of the Counseling Psychology Program at the University of Houston, teaching graduate courses in marital and family therapy. He has appeared on the nationally syndicated Montell Williams Show, and is featured frequently on local radio and television programs as an expert on a variety of psychological topics. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Texas.


Glenn F. Sternes, Ph.D. is an expert in the field of interpersonal relationships, men's issues and human sexuality. He teaches graduate courses on the subjects and maintains a clinical practice in the Houston Area. He and coauthor Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. are highly trained clinicians, licensed psychologists with 20+ years of experience. Both have frequently presented at local, state, and national conferences and have independent practices in Houston, Texas.

Contact: Kate Bandos / KSB Promotions
(800) 304-3269 / kate@ksbpromotions.com